


The Devil Is In The Details

by ChelseaMouse



Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies), Skyfall (2012) - Fandom
Genre: Crack, Funny, M/M, Tea, how to make tea, the minions are really devoted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-19
Updated: 2013-10-19
Packaged: 2017-12-29 20:56:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1010014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChelseaMouse/pseuds/ChelseaMouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Q loves tea. The minions love Q. Bond is lovestruck and Eve tries to help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Devil Is In The Details

The young, precociously balding man was rustling in the drawer apparently searching for a spoon. The double-oh agent continued watching him for another minute before stepping in with a light cough: the minion, with a reaction worthy of a shoujo manga ( _"Not that 007 would know what a shoujo manga is..."_ ), froze with hands mid air, a teabag in the right one and milk in the other.

"You know, I can see you." tried the agent after another minute of complete stillness, in which it seemed that the minion was trying to become part of the furniture.

"Of course you can - I mean, you are a double-oh agent..." muttered the youg man, apparently giving up whatever pretence of intelligence he may had before meeting face to face with one of the scariest men in the world. Well, in his world, anyway.

"Yeah, that's definitely part of our superior training..." Bond went for sarcasm, but when the other man nodded knowingly he decided to move on to the main point, leaving to others the boring speech about how to handle stressful situations (like making tea for your leader while a scary agent talks to you). "Anyway, either you want to make tea for just anybody using Q's mug, in which case you are going to die, or you plainly don't know what you are doing, and you'll be fired in a couple of days."

While translucent beads of sweat started gathering on his temples, the young man tried to defend himself. "It's for Q... but it's Earl Grey. It's his favourite, everybody knows that!"

"Of course. But what you have in hand is a teabag of Twining's Earl Grey."

The minion's eyes got a little misty. "Uh?"

The agent groaned and moved to the counter, giving instructions. "When you make tea for the Quartermaster you don't use teabags, and definitely not Twining's Earl Grey. You see this?" He took out from the cupboard an unlabeled metal box, which he deftly opened spreading the delicate aroma. "This is HIS tea. Nobody else's. Nobody, you hear me? It's like the mug: you don't even reckon it exists until you have to use it. Have I made myself clear?"

"C-c-crystal." stuttered the minion, now so completely frightened he was wondering if he could be moved to HR. Quite fewer double-ohs there.

"Good." the feral smile on his face softened a bit as he resumed speaking. "Then, water. It shouldn't boil. If you have the time, you take this thermometer" and he passed the young man a bizarre instrument he never even noticed before "and wait until it indicates 97° C, otherwise you just watch out for the bubbles, ok? If he really needs his tea he would probably forgive the rush..."

The minion mumbled and nodded during the whole explanation about which water he should use, how much, for how long he had to leave the tea to infuse, how much sugar to add ( _"Brown, not white!"_ ) and how much milk ( _"And don't you dare use THAT stuff! He wants whole fresh milk, not some sodding excuse of long-life cream."_ ).  
In the end he took the perfectly done mug of steaming tea and he moved to Q's office, thanking Bond so profusely the agent started to blush. Almost.

"It IS you then..." the voice came from behind his back, but Bond would have recognised it anywhere, anytime.

"I don't know what you are talking about." he said, smiling widely.

"Lately my minions -loyal and brilliant all you want, but... how should I put it?" the black haired young man brought a finger to his lower lip in mocking meditation, then he snapped his fingers "Clumsy! Yes, I'd say they're a bit clumsy. Well, lately their tea is quite perfect. Always above average, but most of the time _actually_ perfect."

"And isn't that a good thing?"

"So, the way I saw it" Q continued, now facing the double-oh but completely ignoring him "there were two possibilities: either M finally organised the mandatory class about making tea I suggested every day from two weeks after the conclusion of the whole Raoul Silva's incident OR someone was teaching them privately. Obviously the latter is the right one."

"I really don't know what you're talking about, Quartermaster. You sound a little paranoid to me." The grin on Bond's lips grew even bigger.

"You do understand that I saw you doing it just now?"

"Doing what?"

Q was by now positively annoyed. "My tea, Bond. A quite perfect cup of Earl Grey, from my private selection, with the right amount of sugar and milk."

"So, what's the big deal?" Bond finally shrugged, raising his palms as in surrender. "Your minions now know what to do, they are more relaxed and you get a better tea. I really though you'd appreciate not trying to be poisoned every time you ask for a bloody cup of Earl Grey..."

"Oh, don't get me wrong, having actually decent tea when I ask for it is absolutely lovely."

"But?"

"I was wondering how you did it."

"Not really difficult, I just taught Andy, Rob and Patrice..."

Q eyes narrowed in a mute question. Bond huffed.

"Mousey, Happy and Sharky?"

"Uh..."

"Jesus Christ, the small, short-haired white girl, the tall black guy and the short asian fatty with really curly hair and huge glasses!"

"Are you talking about someone I am supposed to know?" The look on Q's face was one of sincere confusion.

"They are three of your minions!" Bond groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Oh. What's the number of their station in the bullpen?"

"The number... how am I supposed to know?!?"

"Well, that's how I remember them. For example, that one is 13." he said matter-of-factly, pointing a young girl who happened to be Andy.

"And they answer?"

"Of course they do, they adore me." Q smiled deviously.

"Is that even legal?"

"I don't see why not."

"You can't call a person as a number. It's inhuman!"

"I'll try to keep that in mind, _007._ " he snorted.

Bond sighed and cursed silently. "That's different..." he muttered, sounding weak even to himself.

"Of course. Anyway, you didn't answer my question."

"What question?"

" _'How did you do it?'_ , no more then 5 minutes ago. Is this your age finally hitting your brain?"

"You always say the sweetest things..."

"Well, I am the voice in your ear during your very chaotic missions. Which, by the way, would be a lot less messy if you just followed my bloody instructions..."

"But, Q! That would be BORING. And we both know that boring, easy missions are for lesser beings."

"Lesser beings my bum. Next time you ignore me _and_ get shot because of that, I'll tell the evac team to kick your sorry arse back home."

"You wound me, Quartermaster." Bond showed an expression of deep hurt, clutching his hands at his heart.

Q flipped him off, glaring. "You still haven't answered."

"I was trying," Bond pointed out "but you distracted me."

"Are you saying it's my fault if you have ADD?"

"Most certainly it is. It's caused by your shattering beauty."

"How did you do it, Bond?"

"As I was saying, it was enough to teach a couple of them, then they organised independently. I am not even here, most of the time!"

"And so?"

"So what?!?" Bond was now exasperated.

"How did you know yourself how I want my Earl Grey?" Q finally blurted out, blushing heavily.

"Oh, Q... you are so cute when you seem to forget what I do for a living..."

"You _spied_ on _me_???"

"Now now, that's a harsh word... I prefer saying I 'sought information'."

"And why on earth," Q gritted with a very thin voice "would you want to _'seek information'_ about me?"

"Uhm... surprise you?" Bond smiled sheepishly.

"By creeping me out?!?"

"Aw, c'mon, Q... you're not creeped out. In fact, you are flattered." Bond smiled again, approaching Q.

"Am I?" Q asked dubiously. _Damn that smile!_ , he though, preferring to keep that piece of his mind to himself. Definitely not moving away, anyway.

"Of course you are. You like me." Bond felt encouraged and took a step further.

"Do I?" he smirked.

"Q, that's not even a conversation anymore!" Bond was now so near Q could feel his body heat. He didn't so much as flinch.

"Isn't it?" he asked teasingly. "That doesn't explain why you are still here, then..."

"I'm a sucker for pretty faces." he stated matter-of-factly.

"That is a curious coincidence!" Q exclaimed, placing one of his slim, elegant hand on Bond's shoulder and rubbing the collarbone with his thumb. "Apparently I have a thing for broad shoulders..."

"Do you?" the agent whispered, quite evidently intrigued.

"No." he asserted, turning away, leaving the very dangerous man gaping. 

Moving towards his office he made eye-contact with Moneypenny, who apparently had been there watching for a while, and smirked. She grimaced but followed him, waiting until the door behind her was shut to talk. "You know, you should tell him that you actually like him. Just to make sure he understands..." she stopped mid-sentence noting the desbelieving look on Q's face. "Love, is everything ok?"

"He knows how I make my tea."

"Yes, well, I'm wildly guessing here, but I'd say he was trying to be nice..."

"James Bond knows how to make my tea."

"Q? Are you ok?"

" _James Bond._ James Bloody Bond. Knows how to make my tea."

"Yes, that seems to be the point..."

"How does he know?"

"He asked around?"

" _Nobody_ knows how I make tea."

"He must have searched really well. Good thing he's on our side."

"I guess it's time."

Eve was starting to get really worried. Q had this definitive look on his face, like he was about die or something, that scared the hell out of her. "Time for what? Q, darling, I know right now you feel like your world has been turned upside down, but I'm sure there are plenty of non-lethal solutions to fix this..."

"Could you give him this, please?" he handed her a little rectangular black box "It was meant for a different occasion, but..." he trailed off, not finishing his sentence.

She took the box and, shrugging, went looking for Bond, deciding to leave Q some space. When she finally found him he was drinking a coffee, with the face of someone who wanted so much more than coffee. She gave him the box and he raised an eyebrow, questioningly looking back at her. "Q said to give it to you... not sure about what is it, though."

"A trap to kill me?" he mused darkly.

"No, listen, he actually likes you. I know that for a fact, he told me, for Christ's sake!" she affirmed heatedly while Bond opened the box with an unreadable look on his face. "Please, he really just doesn't know how to convey his feelings..."

"Oh, I wouldn't bet on it." Bond interrupted her, now grinning like a madman.

"What do you mean?" Eve was now plainly confused.

"Take a look!" he answered excitedly.

Eve neared herself and smiled. Inside the box, just a pen and a note: _Bond, do try to wait until on actual mission to use it. -Q_

**Author's Note:**

> ok, first fic ever so... PLEASE be gentle, but if you can, i'd appreciate if you'd rate, comment and take the time to point out all the grievous mistakes i may have done. it's really really important for me! :)  
> anyway, it's unbeta'd and unbritpick'd, so every mistake is mine and mine only.  
> virtual cookies for those who guess the tv series from which i took the minions nicknames!!


End file.
